Stages of Grief

When I was trying to decide what to write today, I thought back on my week.  A friend of mine passed away on Sunday and I'm grieving that loss.  I'm working through my grief.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross states that we go through 5 stages of grief.
1. Denial - We are in a state of shock.  This helps us to survive the loss and to pace our feelings of grief.
2. Anger - Be willing to feel your anger so it will dissipate and you can heal.  With anger is also pain, which is just a way of showing how much we care.
3. Bargaining - This is the "if only..." or "what if..." stage.  Guilt frequently accompanies bargaining.  The "if onlys" cause us to find fault in ourselves and what we could have done differently.
4. Depression - We feel withdrawn and in intense sadness.  This stage is very important and necessary.  Don't fight the feelings.
5. Acceptance - This does not mean that you are "OK" with what happened.  You will never be "OK" with it but you will continue to live.  It's about accepting the reality of the loss and having more good days than bad days.

Some people may repeat some of the stages, may not go this order and may skip a stage.  If this happens it doesn't mean that you are not grieving.  We are all unique and we all grieve in our own way.

Ways to Enjoy a Wonderful 4th of July

Here is a list of some ways to enjoy the 4th of July:

1. Decorate patriotically.  If you like to do your own crafts, there are plenty of websites that will give free patterns or tutorials on how to complete the craft.
http://www.enchantedlearning.com/crafts/july4/
http://pinterest.com/kellylhardy/4th-of-july-crafts-decor/

2. Go to a parade.  It's a fun time had by all.  See the floats that creative people have designed and put together, collect candy and enjoy the time with family.  Check local papers for times of community parades.

3.  Cook-out.  Invite family and friends over for a BBQ.  Ask people to bring a side dish to share.  Go to a party store to purchase patriotic plates, napkins, cups, etc.

4. Make a simple patriotic treat.  Rice Crispy Treats with red, white and blue marshmallows (but you will have to make the different colors separately.)  
http://pinterest.com/kelliecsmith/4th-of-july-crafting-ideas-treats/
http://www.bettycrocker.com/recipes/event-or-occasion/july-4th-recipes
http://www.bhg.com/holidays/july-4th/recipes/july-4th-desserts/

5. Watch fireworks.  Watch as the skies are lit up with the amazing colors of the fireworks.  If you don't want to get in the traffic after the fireworks, ride bicycles to where they are being held or watch the high ones from afar.  Check local newspapers for times of community firework shows.

Peace of Mind by Julie Graf Skinner, Funeral Planning Specialist

The journey of being a caregiver can be exhausting and confusing. Caregivers are often left to make many decisions for themselves and their loved one regarding end of life care. One of the most important factors in addressing end of life issues is creating a plan prior to an event or crisis.

As a funeral director, I often meet with families that are unprepared for the decisions and plans they are faced with. Many of them have never had a meaningful conversation about their funeral wishes. This lack of planning forces survivors to make decisions of necessity rather than decisions of choice. Unfortunately, this is sometimes intensified by survivors that don’t have great working relationships with one another or are emotionally and financially ill prepared to make appropriate decisions. Losing a loved one is a difficult experience for anyone to go through, but the weight of the loss can be lightened knowing we provided them with their final wishes exactly as desired.

There are many benefits to advance funeral planning:

1. Allows for many urgent tasks and decisions to be handled before a time of emotional upheaval

2. Eliminates doubts for survivors about funeral preferences and disputes about expenses

3. Provide peace of mind that wishes are expressed

4. Ensures that funeral expenses have been addressed

5. Allows for necessary legal documents to be gathering and filed with a funeral professional

I encourage you to have a meaningful conversation with a funeral professional to record personal information, funeral preferences and plans related to funeral expenses. Many people are unaware that they can make plans, record their wishes and learn about the many funding options that are available. I believe the hardest part of this process is making the call to talk to a professional. It takes a great deal of energy to avoid something and often people find out it is easier than they imagined. The most common things I hear at the end of a planning session includes: “That was so much easier than I imagined”, “I had no idea that I could make payments on my funeral”, “I feel so much better knowing that that this will be easier for my children”.

Once again, I encourage you to take the next step, make the call to set an appointment… I would be honored to help you.

Julie Graf Skinner

Busch Funeral and Crematory Services

Funeral Planning Specialist

jgskinner@buschfuneral.com

440-333-9774

http://www.buschcares.com

Please let me sleep...

Almost 64 million Americans regularly suffer from insomnia each year. But I'm sure most of us have experienced times when we just can't fall asleep or stay asleep.  Here are a few ways to beat insomnia/sleeplessness.
1. Have a nightly routine to signal your mind that it's time to calm down and prepare you for sleep
2. Use lavender; the scent is scientifically proven to promote relaxation
3. Eat a handful of walnuts before bed because they are a good source of a sleep-enhancing amino acid.
4. Don't like walnuts, eat a banana before bed since it is a great natural source of melatonin, the sleep hormone.
5. If you still can't get to sleep, get up and do something.  Trying to fall asleep can exacerbate the problem.

Elderly Skin and the Sun

As we age, our skin thins, becomes more delicate and less able to block the sun’s damaging rays.  

Some good skin care tips:

1. Drink plenty of water and fluids to keep skin hydrated.

2. Use a sun shade, beach umbrella or stay in the shade of a porch, especially between 10am-4pm which is when the sun’s rays are the strongest.

3. Wear long pants and long-sleeved shirts to cover skin.

4. SPF 30 is the preferable strength for sunscreen as it absorbs 97% of harmful UV rays.  Apply sunscreen multiple times a day, even if it is a cloudy day or you are staying indoors.  The harmful UV rays are able to pass through clouds and glass.

Everyone, no matter the age, should take care of their skin, especially when in the sun.

Caregiver Tip: Grieve your Losses

Caregivers have many losses they are grieving.  They are grieving their loss of a role in the family, loss of their independence or alone time, loss of how their loved one once was and many more.  Allow them to grieve and help them to dream new dreams in their new role.

Turn on the Lights

As we age we require 2-3 times the amount of light needed when we were younger.  Have extra lights to entries, doorways and stairways.  Night lights in hallways, bedrooms and bathrooms are also very helpful.  The extra lighting can help prevent falls, especially from the bed to the bathroom.